Retreat/Return

I’ve just returned from a 4-day retreat to a small cottage in Vermont. My job as a professor has built-in windows specifically designed to allow for periods of rest, to reclaim a measure of clarity, then to reemerge ready to move forward productively. How nice. I brought some microphones, a couple of guitars, a few other machines, and a handful of unfinished musical ideas. It took effort to relax. To give myself permission to follow a hunch, to explore, and to forgive myself for every dead end I brought myself to. But eventually, I followed my instincts to places I was content with, even excited by. And the music revealed itself in completed form.

But what to do with it… Must it be said? Should it be heard?

Even in the best moments, I found it difficult to justify the effort required to create. Was my retreat a self-indulgent attempt to ignore the turmoil of the world around me? Indeed, it was, at least in part. Evidence of the privilege I’ve enjoyed all my life – a privilege that allows me to decide if and when to engage or disengage. And a privilege that is inseparable from responsibility – just what am I going to do with it...

Well, first, I’m going to make some music. Because it’s natural to do so, a calling that I wish to honor. As natural as the “hello” I received from the small child of the cottage owners when I pulled up the drive. As natural as the warmth generated by the woodstove in the corner. As natural as the rainbow of color that splashed across the woodstove glass as the light of the sun unfurled its full spectrum of wonder and delight. As natural as the smile that emerged as I beheld that moment.

And now I’ve packed up the gear, climbed into the car and returned myself to the world. I’m going to engage with what I find, with those I meet. I will share what I have to offer and consider all that others put before me. To be of service when I can, and to express gratitude for every kindness I receive.

Retreat, restore, renew, return, respond, resist, remind, relate.

It’s that last word that most resonates and motivates.

Relate. It’s as simple as that.

And as challenging as that.

And as essential.